Thursday, 26 March 2015

Dr Kevin Thomas has a disturbing emotional meltdown on social media a week before the Walter Masocha trial.

  • The man who flew from America in 2012 to crown Walter Masocha as the Archbishop of Agape has had a sudden emotional breakdown on Facebook confessing his sins
  • Members of Agape who highly esteem him as the man who made their Daddy an Archbishop pour their support on social media in response to a personal email to Agape
  • Its less than a week to the Masocha trial, is this all a coincidence as Kevin Thomas declares himself a total failure to the world. 

With now less than a week to the Walter Masocha trial, Dr Kevin Thomas the man who crowned the self styled prophet as Archbishop (from nowhere) seems to have gone into an emotional breakdown on social media. In 2012, Agape saw Kevin Thomas fly from America to England to graduate Walter Masocha into the office of Archbishop, even though Masocha has no formal qualifications in theology. This gave the Prophet tremendous power and influence over his unsuspecting congregation. Thomas said God had told him that Masocha was an Archbishop, and bang that was it! He became the Archbiship, Apostle, Prophet, Most Reverend Dr Walter Masocha. I am yet to find out what caused the breakdown of  Walter Masocha's most trusted confidant and personal friend. In an emotional plea on his Facebook page on Tuesday, a distressed Kevin Thomas wrote that at this point in his life he has failed his wife Melinda, his children and apparently "the Lord". He goes on to apologise for his incompetences, as he fears that he is going to die. In his plea to all his friends on social media, Kevin Thomas appears almost clinically depressed, admitting being in a terrible place filled with regret and guilt over something he has done. I find it ironic that this is the man who helped Walter Masocha attain his incredible power over vulnerable people by giving him the undeserved title of Archbishop. I can help but wonder what it is that is haunting Kevin Thomas, a week before the trial, that he had to pour his heart out on social media, admitting being a total failure. My dear readers, we can only speculate, I will leave you put the pieces together yourself. 

Dr Kevin Thomas the man who gave the Archbishop title to Walter Masocha has an emotional meltdown on social media.

"I'm thinking this may be my last post for some time to come. Social media has left my wanting and lonely. True relationship's are fostered in reality and the cyber kind just are not satisfying. I have tried for years to fill the lonely gap as I waited for better times. How stupid can one get. First I waited on those closest to me, then I waited upon the Lord and now I am waiting by myself. Doing what you know to be right is better than waiting for nothing. Don't get me wrong about Jesus, I know now that my action's have been displeasing to him and my despair is my own. I thought I was enduring a gauntlet; but upon further inspection maybe He was raining down corrections which I ignored. Back in 1995 I accepted my "born again" moment and began actively participating in the ministry of Friends. Along the way I believed in a "vision" to take this ministry to a whole nother level. With the passing of my father in law almost 5 years ago, I was positive that the Lord gave unction to complete this chapter. However I was not in agreement with Melinda in this matter. { I have said often over the year's not to browbeat your spouse if they do not share your calling. I have always believed that if the Spirit will touch you, He would do the same for your spouse as well.} Anyway the prospects of any vision moving forward are growing dimmer and dimmer. Since 2005 we "crested" and in 2007 everything began collapsing. Contracts were lost, health for myself and my family were devastating and don't get me started about real estate transactions. But you persevere. Things between Melinda and myself began to strain. It is interesting I can communicate amazingly; well but with the one person whom matteres most. Apparently I have been a disappointment for quite some time. Sure; appreciative for doing things, and "loving" me out of a sense of duty, but no more passion, or a feeling like It is a responsibility. I have tried extensively (in my own mind) to rectify this and make the love of my life return to allowing me to be her passionate concern as well. But alas to no avail. I regret that my wonderful children have been subject to a life of want as we waited upon the Lord instead of taking action. Inside this ol brain of mind has been building projects larger than life, ministry endeavor's to change a generation, and development plans to lift nations out of despair all to come to no meaningful implementation. Today I admit to being a failure. I have failed my family, wife, and Lord. I suppose you could include my father and siblings as well also. Friends and family I apologize for my incompetency. I have tried my best to be faithful, honest and dependable however it is not enough. The vision for a world class education starting with biblical studied and expanding into liberal arts and business science's was just the beginning. Growing to build hundreds/thousands of campus' for academic and Spiritual growth just seemed natural to me. Then again I have truly believed in other project's not brought to fruition exceeding billions of dollars as well. For the first time ever I have no vision for the future and I am greatly concerned about this. Perhaps the lack of finances has finally taken it's toll:( however they have been falling exponentially for a decade now and I have always believed in a better tomorrow). I know I can come across as hard driven and I am. I also am compassionate for all my fellow earth residents and have prayed, lifted up and given all I have to make other's journey as positive as possible. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know any longer what my next play will be. I know I am miserable and this won't do any longer. I have tried my best to be a good friend, father, husband, son, and believer with not enough results to spit in a bucket. Tonight if you have someone you care about; let them know, life is too short not to. Breathing does not come easy for me. This time of year I pray for an O2 saturation above 89. It is not right now because I can feel it. It makes me stupid and cranky. My mom passed at 66 and her father passed at 59 and days like today I wonder if I have a glimmer of a chance to make 65. Every day for 20 years I have awakened to give a shout out to the Lord as I begin my day. I have been a student of all things faith related and have been given opportunity to exchange philosophy with many of the greatest believer's of our time. I have gotten to observe them from a very personal perspective so as to be a comforter and an inspiration to those whom wouldn't have the experience otherwise. When the assignment is complete they go back to their routine and I wait for the next encounter. This has always been completed with a happy heart. I am afraid the happy heart is fleeting . My surety is vanished and when I cry out ..... silence. My advice to others has been to keep seeking; until God gives revelation. I don't know if I can practice what I preach any longer. What a terrible place to find oneself. If I can make it through the night I will start looking for a new me. New career, new journey. I have said you can't stay neutral, have a plan to move forward or a plan to retreat, but never try to remain in the same place (it is a guarantee for disaster). My prayer for you tonight (whomever you may be ) be faithful. Be deliberate. Be committed. Don't be caught being complacent. Focus on the positive and don't let other's without vision make you go blind. Listen for the Lord and take action. May Jesus of Nazareth be your inspiration and guide to a better tomorrow and an eternal life beyond. I love you all ..... family , friend, acquaintance or further, you all are precious and wonderfully made in the image of the most high and you are worthy of love and I do for you. Blessings Kevin" Kevin Thomas, Facebook, March 24, 2015. 

Dr Kevin Thomas also wrote an email to members of Agape Church confessing his sins, in which Agape members  took to Facebook to encourage their fallen hero.

After being titled Archbishop by Kevin Thomas, Walter Masocha used his title to receive money and gifts from the church members so that God would bless them. 

Committed and enthusiastic Agape member Jose Nenzou  took it upon herself to write an open letter to Kevin Thomas on her Facebook...

"Dr Kevin Thomas
As I was reading your mail, I remembered your humble God fearing walk to the pulpit in the Dome England graduating my Father. I can say Jesus called us to follow him but he did not say it was a easy ride. He actually say carry your own cross. I celebrate your trials and tribulations you are going through today, because only a chosen generation can go through it and have the strength to testify. The devil is the accuser of brethren he is the king of confusion. He is a blood sucker when he whisper false accusations in your ears. Be careful of him. My father tought me that there is value in chaos. Say what God say you are not giving in to what the world say you are. I hope this will be of help to you. It is normal for a MOG to fall, your actions after the fall matters. 
Dr let the one in you rise up and roar, as he is greater than the one in the world. This is not time to be weak it's warfare time. Pick up your armour Soldier of Christ. I love you have a blessed day. Written to you by another Soldier in battle for Christ xxxx"

Agape leader Calisto Nixon Misi wrote...
May the Lord God Almighty give you peace, even in this trying time. He who has began a good work in you is faithful to complete it. Just hold on, they is light at the end of the tunnel. Our prayers are with you and the family....We love you.
Agape Bodyguard Thuthukile Khumalo wrote...
Let God in his own way give you inner strength to deal with all circumstances around you. When you are weak, thats when He is stronger. he is your rock, allow Him to speak to you in that soft voice and intervene in all you are going through, He never fails and will never forsake you.....

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Throwback Thursday: Staff Nurse Julius Gayakaya's email to Agape Pastors in defense of Walter Masocha

Staff Nurse Julius Gayakaya said Walter Masocha is innocent of child sex crimes until proven guilty by law

Email by Julius Gayakaya. 
 Wednesday, 27 November 2013
Greetings in the name of Jesus Christ our Saviour. I hope you are fine. Can I point out few things to clear the mist.
The writer of this long document has missed facts, either he is ill advised, ignorant or have some hidden motives and agenda. I am very surprised that one can jump into conclusion and parade the leadership of Agape as a group of abusers who are hiding evil deeds in the church before searching how all these allegations mushroomed. May I stand up and state categorically that the notion of bundling myself and my family as wrong-doers or abusers of Jean is just utterance with no basis. If one would visit this area (liverpool, Southport,Wigan, Preston) and ask anyone in the community about Jean's life, one would get a same answer from people who have nothing to do with Agape as well as from the Agape saints.

Jean's blog is littered with my name simply because my crime is to be a saint in Agape.

She writes in her blog that she was chased by Agape people from her house. Are all the families around here evil simply because we supported a family that is going through hardships by praying with Shingi. Where does all the people who are labelled abusers get involved especially those from around Liverpool, Southport and Wigan. We have suffered a lot of character assassination,slander, emotional and psychological torture as we tried to accommodate Jean as one of us in the hope she will come to herself. Those who are quick to swallow Jean's story without getting the other side are just meddling in uncouthed cooperation with a person bend on vindictive malicious slander.What happenned in the surgery have nothing to do with Gayakaya and the families who are subjected to this mudsling.
As calm as I always be, I find the email disturbing, patronising and hope to highlight to you and the writer that it is worth and wise to find the facts before wadding in and stepping on the bruised toes of the victim in the name of being the wise mediator. I have nothing to DEFEND the Apostle because in my eyes he is innocent until proved guilty by the law. Maybe you have issues you know, about the Apostle but I am as ignorant as the word, hence I am looking at the events which led to the writing of her blog.
With that in mind I believe I have highlighted events leading to the blog and I am not as evil as I am potrayed in the blog neither is my fellow victim of the malicious writing. I will remain in prayer hoping you will join in so that the blowing wind will come to pass with our lips not full of garbage, hence I will shut my mouth again.
I am not hurt because I am up above this child play and belittling talk. Nobody will take away what I achieved through hard work and perseverance. Nobody will become big because they have belittled me. Nobody will become Holy because they have labelled me unrighteous. Nobody will become educated by calling me unlearned. You cannot become rich by labelling me poor.
Lets get the facts first and help the saints.

God bless you

Dr Gayakaya

Dear readers, the time draws nigh for the trial, and I thought it would be a change to do a throwback of this all important email from nurse Julius Gayakaya defending Agape and Walter Masocha. He wrote this email in response to an ex pastor who had expressed serious concerns regarding alleged sexual abuse going on in the church. In his response, Nurse Gayakaya also explicitly wrote that Masocha was innocent until the law proved him guilty. Which means if Walter Masocha is found guilty of child sex crimes, Nurse Gayakaya would be accountable for defending sexual abuse in the church, according to Prime Minister David Cameron's new law to combat child sexual abuse.  

Anyways my readers, please continue to pray for me. I am truly encouraged by all your support. Last year this time i was literally homeless after losing my house in this battlefield. As I was homeless March 2014, I remember being told I could not get the house I had fallen in love with, my dear friend emailed me and said the house was mine, and I should go back and claim it. I believed. I went back to the house, stood in front and walked to the park. Two beautiful horses ran to me, literally. That was the moment God told me that if He could feed the horses, and provide stables for them, would He not give me a house I desired. A month later I had moved into the house, I had no furniture. I started from scratch. Today my new house is a five star apartment. The fight for justice cost me my house, but out of the dust I rose again and chose to continue fighting, even wounded in my very soul. Today I remember the faithfulness of God each time I walk to the park to see these horses. I know in my heart justice will prevail next month. 

These horses always remind me that no storm lasts forever.

In other news, the above picture seems to have gone viral on social media, for a minute there I thought the DADDY being referred to was Daddy Masocha, those shoes bear a striking resemblance to those worn by the self proclaimed Prophet, the same also for the members of Agape, you will find similar shoes worn by congregates. Some members of Agape used to go as far as looking for shoes in rubbish bins. 

Wednesday, 11 March 2015

Agape Church be prepared, Professionals who turn a blind eye on child sexual abuse could be jailed for 5 years, says David Cameron.

A new law has been passed by Prime Minister David Cameron that any professional who turns a blind eye on child sexual abuse could face up to five years in prison. With less than three weeks to the trial of former Archbishop Walter Masocha, if he is found guilty of child sexual abuse, this means that professional members of Agape Church who were fully aware of the alleged sexual abuse of children going on in the church could be prosecuted, according to the law. "Professionals who fail to protect children will be held properly accountable," said Prime Minister David Cameron last week. For me this meant a lot to the cause of justice for the victims of Archbishop Walter Masocha. I do have a few emails directed at Agape Envoys (Pastors) who are mostly professionals, being alerted of the serious allegations of sexual abuse going on in Agape Church, in which most of the professionals replied in defense of Walter Masocha. If Walter Masocha is found guilty, I believe injured parties could press for these professionals to be prosecuted for failing to protect children from sexual abuse. Among these professionals are teachers, nurses, doctors and social workers.

In 2012 there was a serious incident in Liverpool at a Youth Get Together where children as young as 13 were left unsupervised and engaged in illicit sexual activities. Nothing was done about this incident even though it was brought to the attention of health professionals who were leaders of the church. When this happened, it was covered up and the church leaders turned a blind eye, but one thing I am learning now is there is a time for everything under the sun. David Cameroon recently pushing for these tough laws on people who choose to ignore child sexual abuse is an answer to prayer for many victims of abuse. Cameron said all inquiries into child abuse had found a systematic failing and a culture of denial. I totally agree with Mr Prime Minister especially about the culture of denial to child sexual abuse, especially among religious people.

Right now members of Agape, even when faced with overwhelming evidence of serious abuse, they continue to deny the obvious, saying their Daddy was in the right to remove his clothes and engage in sexual activities with under age girls in the name of "ministering to the man of God". However the bible says there is nothing hidden under the sun, all the unfruitful works of the darkness will be exposed,  Ephesians 5:11.

There is a time for everything under the sun...

Last Saturday was the hottest day of 2015 so far, and for me as a lover of nature I went out to reflect and take time to be grateful to God for thus far He has taken me. When I started this blog, I was yearning so deeply for justice. And now with three weeks to go to the trial, I feel a step closer to justice. As i said I may be a tiny drop in the ocean, but even a tiny drop can sparkle. It is almost two years since I fled the Agape Church after Mental Health Nurse Gertrude Musuka Mburayi called an ambulance for me to be sectioned during a church service. Its been nearly two years, and those two years have been a long long journey. As I was looking up at the clear blue sky, I saw the beauty of perfect peace in the midst of a storm. Sometimes its hard and I feel like I cant go on, but I will always look up unto the hills were my help comes from. I may be just a woman, but I am a woman who looked up at Goliath in the eye, and with my little sling of my blog, I took a gamble and shot. This journey has been more painful than what I thought I could ever bear in life, but I was reminded that God never tries us beyond what we can endure. And whatever we go through in life, at some point it shall come to pass. Everything under the sun has a season. There is a time to cry and a time to smile, a time to suffer and a time to rejoice. If you look at the tree above me, its in a season where its shed all its leaves. Even though it looks lifeless, its not dead. In due season, beautiful green leaves will spring forth, and even pretty flowers too. Our lives are just like the trees, everything we go through has a purpose behind it, no matter how painful or beautiful.

I want to encourage every victim of abuse, that when you go through the dark days, and you feel like giving up, because everyone around you seems to have failed you, remember that there is a time for everything under the sun. At one time a woman called JK Rowling was a divorced single mother living on benefits, she had written her books, but every publisher ignored her work, she felt like a failure, became so depressed she contemplated suicide. But today she is the best selling author of all time. Three years ago Lupita Nyong'o could have walked by your street, no one knew who she was,  but she was working hard behind the scenes trying to make it, today she is one of the most inspirational women in the world. It can take just one day for your life to change, just because today looks dark and gloomy it doesn't mean tomorrow things can not change. Agape Church took everything from me, and ripped me apart, but one thing I know is they do not have my future, I hang on to that. Things are changing everyday, with more awareness and campaigning, I know that David Cameron will not only end with prosecuting those who protect abusers, I know one day he will pass a law that will stop people from declaring themselves as prophets and using that title to abuse and manipulate the vulnerable. There is time for everything under the sun, so I know the time for justice is coming.

Wednesday, 25 February 2015


  • Simba Nyemba speaks out about his Agape arranged marriage to Jose Nenzou
  • Shocking revelation of how Jose Nenzou attempted to kill him and he ended up hospitalized. 
  • Walter Masocha told him to drop charges and not give evidence to protect the Church
  • Police advising him Jose Nenzou can still be charged with attempted murder and face imprisonment amid Walter Masocha scandal

Okay before I start writing this, I am pleased to announce that  He Was My Daddy Blog has now reached over 1 Million hits! Thank you my dear readers, please keep reading till justice is served!  When the  Walter Masocha trial was postponed to April last month, I knew that God had allowed it for a reason. My prayer was that people would come out and share their experiences so that when the trial starts the prosecution has a clear idea of how this man destroyed lives and even caused the deaths of many. I advised ex Agape members to reflect on their experiences in Agape. I always say that even if my post touches just one soul, for me the job would have been done. I am pleased to announce and confirm that one woman who was allegedly sexually assaulted by Walter Masocha successfully reported Walter to the police and gave her evidence in support of her claim, her files were transferred to Scotland Police to be added on the ongoing sexual assault case in which the trial starts on April 1 2015. After she finished reporting the crime, she told me how relieved she felt as this was the beginning of her healing process and moving on. I therefore continue to advise women who were sexually assaulted to report to the nearest police station, the police will take it from there. You have the right to remain anonymous as a victim of sexual assault.

However I feel one of my prayers has been answered as I formally pleaded with men to also come out about their abusive experiences in Agape. Women are not the only victims of Walter Masocha, men are too. Walter Masocha destroyed the lives of both men and women. One of the men who was lucky to survive was Simba. Simba was a victim of domestic abuse and spiritual abuse from his ex wife Jose NeNzou and Walter Masocha. Simba told me that he wanted his story to come out because he feels Jose Nenzou , a woman who strongly supports Walter Masocha should be prosecuted for aggravated body harm and attempted murder.

In a shocking explicit interview to He Was My Daddy Blog, Simba narrated his ordeal under Walter Masocha in what  I believe is one of the most disturbing cases of abuse by Masocha on a male victim.His voice still echoing the horror he experienced which almost cost him his life, Simba narrated his ordeal.

" I did not know who Jose Nenzou was. I didn't even know her. I did not know she had openly testified that she was HIV positive. Walter Masocha just told me that she was my wife and God had shown it to him. He told me I had to marry her. Because I was so brainwashed and feared disobeying God, I had no choice in the matter but to accept Jose as my wife, even though it wasn't my choice. We got married in May 2012. After we got married thats when Jose told me she was HIV positive and on medication. I had to accept it as she was already my wife but I protected myself. Soon after our wedding I started to notice things I wasn't comfortable with in my marriage. Walter was always texting and phoning Jose at odd hours at night. They were constantly on the phone to each other. The house had Walter's photos on the walls all over. Jose was constantly verbally abusive and showing signs of cruelty to me, she was always shouting, but busy in church calling herself " a woman of God".  I couldn't stand the hypocrisy. She doesn't know who God is because she has no love in her. In less than a year our marriage was on the rocks. My family had warned me against marrying a woman I did not even know. I never even dated her. I never thought it as an arranged marriage initially, but looking back it was an arrahnged married organised by Masocha in his “Agape Vision Marriages” propaganda. 

One night Jose was on the phone to Masocha and I got angry and started removing Masocha's pictures from the walls. Jose flipped and got into a fit of rage, saying it was an abomination to remove the pictures  of the Man of God and started running down the stairs after me. She was screaming, punching me. I tried to escape but she was too fast for me. She then went in the kitchen and smashed a plate and started attacking me in the head with it. I thought she was going to kill me. I remember seeing blood everywhere and being in so much pain in my head I couldn't even fight back or defend myself. The neighbours who heard her noise, screaming and smashing of plates called 999.

I later woke up in hospital realising Jose had slashed my head with a broken plate. She had been arrested and charged with attempted murder aggravated body harm using a weapon. The police were saying she was going to face imprisonment. Jose was in police custody all night and the next day. I started getting phone calls from Masocha telling me I had to drop the charges and could not let an agape child and woman of God  go to jail. It was not good for the church image. I was also getting phone calls from pastors and elders of the church telling me to show agape love to Jose and not let her face jail. The pressure was too much and I was forced to drop charges and not give a statement. The police were disappointed saying Jose was a dangerous woman  and the public needed to be protected from her and needed to be brought to book for the violent crime she committed. But I was forced not to give a statement because Masocha said the issue would be dealt with in the church. The case was then closed and Jose was released from custody without charge.

Not surprising nothing was done in the church,  Jose continued doing her flower decorations calling herself a woman of God even giving testimonials on the pulpit. She showed no remorse and never once apologised for nearly killing me in the brutal attack. She never even appreciated that I saved her from jail. She then went on to give a testimony in the church that she was a victim and now homeless, and she was warning Agape church members not to do anything that tarnishes the image of her father Walter Masocha.

After Masocha was arrested and police reading about him in the media, police have previously contacted me saying the case could still be reopened and Jose could still be charged with attempted murder and face imprisonment. Jose is a dangerous woman with an aggressive temper who could abuse another man and kill. When angry she can use any weapon to attack. The fact that she went for my head means that Jose’s intention was to kill me. I have to do my part to prevent the cycle of abuse.

I also want Walter Masocha to go down because I almost lost my life because of him. Jose almost killed me. If the neighbours had not called the police I would have died.  I didn't even know this woman. This is what angers me that I was a victim of an Agape arranged marriage.  I didn't want to marry her. She was given to me by Walter. This man has just destroyed too many lives and he needs to go down with his daughter Jose Nenzou." Simba said bitterly. He wants justice not only for him but also for all male victims of domestic violence and church abuse. He wants to be the first man to lift the lid and speak out about the atrocities of Walter Masocha.

Simba however wants to encourage people who have left Agape that there is life after the cult. Simba has started the process of rebuilding his life and is in his final year at university studying for a degree in engineering. He is looking forward to his gradation this year in October.  As a survivor of domestic violence Simba is here to tell the world that church abuse and domestic violence happens to man too, especially here in the diaspora. He is encouraging men to play their part is ensuring justice is served for the victims of Walter Masocha. I am so grateful for men like Simba, may God raise more men like him to speak out about their life threatening abuses in the hands of Walter Masocha. 

In other news, Nino encouraged me to express myself in spoken word  and said I should share this on my blog, he always brings out the best in me. I would like my dear readers to listen to my first attempt at spoken word, I was inspired to express this poem after the Faith Mutema story, be inspired, and listen here

Jose shows no remorse for trying to kill Simba and continues to call herself a woman of God 

Jose with her cousin Heather Grace Njenje who has now been arranged to marry Charles Chademana

Life after Agape, Domestic Violence survivor Simba looking forward to graduating in his masters degree this year. 

Thursday, 19 February 2015


 Faith Mutema speaks out about her ordeal and encourages women to rise up above any storm. 

Last year a Zimbabwean mother Faith Mutema was publicly humiliated after a video of her crying and begging for forgiveness from her husband was posted on social media for the whole world to see. After watching the video I was personally moved to offer my support to Faith. Three months later  Faith has started the process of rebuilding her life. In an exclusive interview to He Was My Daddy Blog, Faith says,   “ I am the type of person that need answers and closure, very loving and caring but I hate backstabbers and pretenders. I grew up in a loving supportive family,  my mother and father have been wonderful parents to me. They have worked hard to provide a stable foundation for my life and future. They have taught me invaluable lessons about work, marriage, parenting, relationships and life. They set a healthy example from the very beginning that life is not all about getting… it’s about giving. My father has a motto for us as family. “Learn to be quiet ” as in to respect fools to avoid noise. And this helped a lot in my life because no matter what you do good or bad people will always talk and if you keep yourself away from them they will definitely reach a point when they will give up” Faith took her father’s advice diligently and kept quiet when her video went viral, but as her name was tarnished on social media, she felt now was the time to speak out and bring closure to her ordeal as she starts a fresh page in her life.

Humble Faith has learnt a lot from her supportive parents. 

“ I was so much in love with my husband and he was my true love. As you know all relationships are not rosy. I had lots of bad experiences in my marriage but I kept everything in my heart those who would see my glowing and smiling face outside could not easily figure out what I was experiencing But I also have good memories of my marriage.  Yes I believe in love….. My heart has been broken but still I believe in love because no matter what happens or how bad it seems today life goes on and it will be better tomorrow. “ Faith said confidently when asked whether she still believed in love.

Its not easy being a working mother, but as a woman you multitask! 

Her biggest role in her life as a woman is being a mother, and through the darkest moments of her life, it was her role as a mother that helped her find that inner strength. “Being a mother compelled me to reinvent myself, discovering a power within myself that has helped me reach the new rhythm in this path. Oh, what a challenge motherhood has been, and how complex it has been to educate my children, to grow and teach myself to be more patient, more focused and to appreciate together the small and great things of life. How tiring it has been to find the balance to guide them with limits, but without hindering their freedom. How extremely difficult it is to say ‘no’. How to make them happy and live a better life than the one we experienced. How difficult it is to love and to educate at the same time. It is true that a mother’s love is different from everything else; it is an immense force that helps you forgive, trust, and honor the divine commitment of being a mother, without schedules, without rest and without a script. I found within myself a power I didn't know existed”.

As a professional working mother, Faith says its been her greatest challenge as a woman, working and being a mum, "My greatest challenge as a woman is motherhood and keeping myself professionally active. It was a major test in my life, but I had not fully realized that being a mother is, in itself, the greatest challenge in a woman’s life. Pillian, Pascaline and Paisley were born when I was a mature woman and in the midst of a solid professional career. The birth of our children was a miracle of love that transformed us, our daily routine, thoughts, hierarchies and interests. Despite all of this, I wanted to be the same woman as I had always been. I could only begin to guess that this challenge would bring me the greatest learning of my life. And to work even more harder to provide for the family. The first thing was to accept the change."

Speaking about her relationship with her estranged husband Patrick, Faith says “ Patrick is the father of my kids and I cannot run away from that. We are not together but we talk together about the children. Whatever he said in the papers about the DNA tests those were just stories, he knows the kids are his and nothing else.  Right now I don’t know whether I will get back with him,  I have a lot on my mind and I am trying to focus on myself and my children.”

We now live in a civilized society, people think outside the box. 

Asked how she felt after the story went viral, Faith said, “I could not believe what was happening, it was like in a movie. To tell the truth I never thought Patrick could do such a thing to me and my family after all I went through. Vana Tete were supposed to get to the bottom of the story and find ways of solving it other than doing what they did, they forget they also have daughters. It is said “ Akazvara sekera mudende” or “ Mugoni wepwere ndeasinayo” so what goes around surely will come around. I was so touched and felt sorry for my father and the pain was unbearable, they belittled him of which even today when I think of it, it makes me cry. I was put to shame the most humiliation ever but I don’t blame the world because they are all human and they say whatever they want especially when you give them a chance to do so. First and foremost I blamed myself for solving a wrong thing with a wrong. And I also blamed Patrick for not being man enough to solve this issue without involving the media, taking the video, publishing it. What I did was so wrong but I feel people were not supposed to judge me. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes..... It was unfortunate to me that people could call me all sorts of names but I believe God has something in store for me and will never turn to the world to seek for forgiveness but to God only because He is the answer to all my pleas and He is the only person who understand and knows what was really going on in my marriage and he knows what pushed me that far though it was wrong, I admit. Through my pains I gained strength and learned that I never would have made it without the Lord bringing me through it. I know people will hate me, rate me, shake me, and try to break me but how strong I stand is what makes Me. And God has a reason for me to be here and he will see me through the up and downs.”

Faith said she was touched by the sympathy she received from the public, especially from women,  “Am so grateful with the support. I was overwhelmed with their support because after what I did supporting me was like encouraging to do bad things but I know they took it from the book of the Lord when a woman caught in adultery was forgiven but her accusers were convicted of their conscience when Jesus asked them to stone the woman if among them there was one who had never sinned. It made me strong and to know the reason I have to be on this planet. I’ve three beautiful daughters and they need me and am sure that’s the reason why they felt even if I did something wrong I needed that support for the sake of my kids and family because if I am gone they will never have another loving and caring mother , sister or aunt like me.”

Asked what advice she would give to any women who ever found themselves in a situation like hers, a resilient Faith spoke boldly against adultery and discouraged married women to ever go down that path, “ My advice to women is to never allow yourself to be in a situation which makes your life difficult / which doesn't suits you/ you are not comfortable with , whenever you feel things are not well leave if you have the chance to do so. Don’t ever think of being resolute cause you will end up in my situation whereby you thing doing what I did is right and think makes you feel better yet when caught no one will ever listen to what you went through.

A fresh faced and confident Faith at a Church Valentine dinner on February 14th. 

I asked Faith whether she thought our Zimbabwean culture played a part in the way she was treated by her husband’s family and publicly shamed. “ I really feel yes it did, but we now live in a civilized society, people now think outside the box of Zimbabwean culture . I feel that people who did not support what Patrick and his sisters did were very right because you can’t solve your family issues through the public humiliation , what will be the meaning of the saying “ Chakafukidza dzimba matenga”. Patrick’s family wanted to tarnish my image and destroy me completely and they thought the world could turn on me and say all sorts of bad things, but to those who are mature enough they didn't rush into conclusions. The fact that am so polite and taking it from the motto I learnt from my father “ Kunyarara kunokunda kurwa” I had to be quite. Its not that I didn't have anything to say or to fight back, had lots to say about him but was too way smart for that. • I would like to thank all those who supported me and I still need the support to keep me going and to those who called me names it was good for you during that time and you stole nothing from me am still the same Faith and even better now. I am Stronger because I had to be, I am Smarter because of my mistakes, Happier because of the sadness I've known and now Wiser because I have learnt from my life’s journey. I have stood and my future looks positive, if I can do it, any woman can. When you are shamed on social media, it looks dark and gloomy, but you can still rise up from the dust. I am living proof of that, I have risen above the storm”

I am happier because of the sadness I've known. 

Friday, 23 January 2015


My dear sister and friend Rumbi Bvunzawabaya started a campaign to raise funds for her cousin Tambu  who has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Chodrosacoma. This cancer is only treatable through specialist surgery in the United Kindgdom. The family needs £30 000 to have the treatment done in the United Kingdom. When I told Rumbi that at this stage I am not in a position donate to this cause till the middle of the month February, but my heart really wants to give to Tambu. She asked me to share on my blog, but I realized that I can do more than just share and ask people to donate. I am a portrait Artist. My way of helping Tambu can be through the work of my hands through the gift God has given me. For those who appreciate art, each portrait I will do from now on the money will go towards Tambu's fund till her target is reached. When I hold my pencil and paper to bring something to life. To me art is more than just drawing, its an expression of life. I will start by drawing a portrait of beautiful Tambu as my gift to her, my tribute to her for her bravery and endurance,  as I draw her beautiful face, that's my prayer for her that God will restore her face to complete inner health,  inner beauty and radiance. We have the power to help restore this brave young woman to good health  through donating money for her life saving operation. She is such a positive young woman, a beautiful wife and loving mother, full of life.  Our faces are a reflection of our inner selves and well being being, our faces tell our story. So many times we take good health for granted, like Muzvare Betty Makoni always say, her selfies are not selfish. Lets support Tambu by appreciating Portrait Art, have a picture hanging on your wall knowing that you had it done for a good cause, for beautiful Tambu. 

Thursday, 22 January 2015


To the Prime Minister David Cameron

CC Eric Pickles: Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government.


If someone had told me 11 years ago when I moved into my newly built property that one day I would be homeless living in a women's refugee, I would have told them over my dead body. Mr Prime Minister, I write this letter to you today as a woman who has lost everything I have ever worked for in the United Kingdom. I love Great Britain with my whole being,  its been my home all my adult life, I turned 18 in this country, I turned 21 here, and I celebrated 30 years of my life in this beautiful country. Even though I was born in Zimbabwe and spent my childhood there, today what I call home is England, I have contributed to the community as a mental health nurse and I have paid my taxes and national insurance. I do see myself as British and have no plans to live anywhere else, because to me home is where the heart is, and my heart is in Great Britain. For the past 15 years of my life in the UK I never once claimed benefits or lived on public funds until I found myself homeless in a women's refugee. The reason why I ended up homeless in the United Kingdom is my reason to bring this letter to your attention Mr Prime Minister. Somehow in my heart, I have a deep yearning for justice and change, I do love my country dearly,  and I believe this is something that should be brought to your good and honourable office by none other than a woman who has suffered and endured the harsh realities being faced by many Black African women living in the UK today, a problem that I believe is huge  but remains an unspoken of. 

I believe the United Kingdom is a country that is governed by rules and laws that protect the general public. I believe Britain should be safe for everyone, including those who chose to go to Church. I was raised in a culture in Africa where people are extremely religious, and always look onto one person as their spiritual leader. The spiritual leader will have absolute authority and power over individuals, and anything they say or do is regarded as directly inspired by a God or a supreme being. Most of these Spiritual Leaders are self appointed. They say that God has directly spoken to them to start a church, and will say they are modern day Prophets who hear the audible voice of God and even see manifestations of God in visions and appearances confirming their self appointed prophetic office. Britain now being a multi cultural society, with the multicultural population growing to more than 7 million, a large number of that population being black Africans who have migrated to the UK. Most Black Africans who migrate to the UK do so because political instabilities and severe conflict in counties like Rwanda, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Ghana, South Africa, Kenya and many other troubled African countries. Immigration challenges faced by African immigrants often cause them to  seek  spiritual guidance from African Church leaders. As a result "Church" has become part of an African culture and lifestyle prevalent in the today's British society. Self Styled Prophets and church leaders use this opportunity to attract church members, even promising the African population to solve their immigration problems and challenges. I personally believe they are more than 1000 self styled Prophets today leading churches that are officially registered as charities in the United Kingdom. 

As much as I understand the freedom of religion, and the importance of religion in our British African society, I also believe that the children and the adults who follow the self styled prophets should be somehow protected by the law under basic human rights. I believe that the people who follow self styled Prophets are vulnerable in the sense that they believe that the self styled Prophets represent God, and anything that is said or done by the Prophets is inspired by God. I believe that adults who are members of these churches fall into the category of vulnerable adults and children by default. I believe that everyone living in the UK has a right to live in safety be at work, their own home, or even in a church service. 

Allow me Mr Prime Minister to briefly share with you why I believe something needs to be done in the United Kingdom in regards to the rampart rising of self styled Prophets and Church leaders taking advantage of the vulnerable public. 

In 2006 Zimbabwean born Walter Masocha left his job as a Lecturer in Scotland saying God had called him to be a Prophet to the African Immigrants in the United Kindgom. He said he would help struggling immigrants to get their legal stay in the UK. This automatically generated a huge following despite the fact that Prophet Masocha had been expelled from his previous church for sexually assaulting women during prayer sessions. As a Charismatic speaker, he managed to attract a huge following, especially from Zimbabweans living in the UK, the majority of his followers being single mothers. I joined the church in 2011. During my church membership I was often restrained by male pastors during long hours of gruesome exorcisms, I was manipulated into giving all my money to the Prophet, leaving me staying in a house without food and electricity, whilst the Prophet would be on holidays abroad. I was often subjected to bullying, cruelty and harassment, until one Sunday I decided to stand up for myself and it resulted in the Pastor of the church calling the ambulance and asking the paramedics to section me under the mental health act. Because the paramedics refused to section me, I suffered more abuse from the Church leaders, resulting in me fleeing the Church to a Women's Refugee. 

In the Women's Refugee in pain and anguish over the life threatening abuses I suffered in the hands of Prophet Masocha, with no one to talk to about what had happened to me, I started a blog to document the abuse I suffered in the Church. As a writer this was my coping mechanism to deal with the trauma. Never the intention of my blogging, my blog became a platform for more victims of Prophet Walter Masocha to share their horrendous experiences in Agape Church.  Other victims found the courage to report Prophet Masocha to the police, and in the process of time Prophet Walter Masocha was arrested.

In January as he stood before Alloa Sheriff Court in Scotland, Prophet Masocha was charged with the following counts of sexual assault.
  • On various occasions between January 1, 2012 and July 31, 2013, at his home and the hotel he engaged in sexual activity with a 15-year-old girl by inducing her to massage his body whilst in a state of undress using massage oils.
  • On various occasions between January 1, 2012 and May 16, 2013, at his home and the hotel he engaged in sexual activity with a 12-year-old girl by inducing her to massage his body whilst in a state of undress using massage oils.
  •  Between April 1, 2012 and March 30, 2013, at his home he did sexually assault a woman by repeatedly putting his arms around her, pressing his body against her, touching her on her body and private parts.
  • Between January 1, 2013 and January 27, 2014, at his home he engaged in sexual activity with a 14-year-old girl by repeatedly kissing her on the lips, touching her on the body and placing his hands on her buttocks and pinching them.

 When the Prophet stood before Court this month, he said the charges regarding the sexual acts between him and the under-age girls relate to "church practices". Meaning he is using his office as a self styled Prophet to defend sexually abusing women and girls. Moreover his followers and church members  members have defended the Prophet saying even Jesus Christ was "massaged" by women and the Church Administrator Ian Brook McHardy defended the practise saying in a written document to concerned Church members  that "Women in the bible responded to Men Of God differently" so if women and girls want to massage the naked body of the Prophet, it was biblically approved.

I believe that was there a law to protect children and women, these sexual abuses and other life threatening abuses would not be allowed to happen and progress. Other practises of grave concern in Agape Church which I believe come under public health and safety include

  • Church members being given handkerchiefs of the Prophet's sweat to wipe themselves with believing his sweat is "holy anointing oil".
  • Church members hitting other peoples children and the bible being used to justify this practice. 
  • Children being left alone unsupervised for long periods of time during church services resulting in children engaging in unlawful sexual activities
  • Registered sex offender being appointed as a leader in the church and working with children unsupervised. 
  • Prophet Masocha conducting "Spiritual Surgeries" alone with under-age girls and women in which he does anything he wishes to the women and girls who believe he is "anointed by God to do so"
  • Church members giving all their money to the Church leaving their children hungry to the point of stealing food from shops
  • Women and children being pushed violently to the floor during prayer sessions, recently a woman was hospitalised after being badly injured during the prayer sessions. I also have DVDs which show children being pushed to the floor.  
  • Violent exorcisms on women being conducted against their will, I was once restrained by men and exorcised after I walked out of a church service. In 2006 Prophet Masocha was served with an ASBO for conducting noisy exorcisms in his front garden after neighbours reported him to the police.  
Today I continue to receive phone calls and text messages from women who allege were sexually abused by Prophet Walter Masocha but are afraid of going to the police. I believe that self styled Prophets in the United Kingdom should be CRB checked before they start a church or religious organisation. I believe that Self Styled Prophets in the UK should not be allowed to be with women and under age children (both boys and girls) in a room alone conducting prayers or any other church practises. This will protect vulnerable women and under age children from being sexually and physically assaulted by Prophets. I believe "exorcisms" should be barned in the United Kingdom as I believe this is a form of physical abuse and torture. It is extremism and most people who undergo this gruesome ritual are not normally consenting adults but are manipulated into believing they have demons in them that need to be cast out. Prophet Masocha says one of his major calling is to conduct exorcisms. I believe the finances of these Prophets should be regulated if they are getting donations from struggling church members, most Prophets live in luxury at the expense of their suffering followers. 

Mr Prime Minister, I am just a woman, who through following a self styled Prophet had my life completely destroyed. I am now in the process of rebuilding my life again.  I was lucky to survive, other victims have been so desperate they committed suicide. My time in the Women's Refuge was painful but powerful, and it was in the refuge that I learnt that in order to obtain justice, it always starts with one person who speaks out, and paves the way for others. I do not want my suffering to be in vain. I do not want my coming out in public with my story to be in vain. I want more than justice for the abuse I have suffered. I want change. I want a safer Britain for the Black African Church communities. I want a safer Britain for the children of parents who choose to follow self styled Prophets. 

I hope you take my petition into consideration

Yours sincerely

Jean ( A Survivor of life threatening Church Abuse in modern day Britain)

Myself with Self Styled Prophet Masocha during a church service in Rochdale May 2013

Tuesday, 13 January 2015

UK based Church Elder from Walter Masocha's former Church flees to Zimbabwe after allegedly molesting a 12 year old girl

Okay, before I get to my article today, there is an issue I have to address. I have one reader of this blog who keeps ruthlessly attacking me for writing about other stories, according to her I shouldn't be doing that. Shes an ex Agape member and she feels strongly that I should only blog about Masocha, Masocha, Masocha and nothing but Masocha. I am sorry to disappoint you dear one angry reader, but my life does not revolve around Walter Masocha and Agape. I also have a life to live by the way. I also happen to live in a world which also doesn't revolve around Walter Masocha and things keep happening in this world. I also happen to be a writer who is interested in current issues that affect black women, especially women from my country Zimbabwe. So as this happens to be a blog which is administrated by me, I believe its within my rights to blog about other current matters affecting women too. If I did nothing but talk about Walter Masocha all day, I am sure I would eventually go mad. 

That said yesterday I received an email from one of my readers about a Zaoga Church elder who fled to Zimbabwe last month after he was allegedly confronted for molesting a girl child. The child involved, like in Masocha's case is also just 12 years old. I just thought, wow,  what a coincidence with the Masocha case. And this happens to be the Church were Walter Masocha started as a Pastor. I personally have a problem with Forward In Faith Ministries or Zaoga to be honest. This is where Walter Masocha got his training to be a self styled Prophet. I do not regard Baba Guti or Ezekiel Guti or whatever his name is as a Man of God. Just like Walter Masocha he left his wife and started a Church with his mistress. I know a lot of Zimbabweans have respect him but I don't have it unfortunately. In fact I don't have time any-more for anyone who calls themselves a Prophet, especially heading a ministry were young girls are  being abused. If Mr Guti was a true man of integrity he would do the honorable thing and hand over Godfrey Mutata to the Police before he starts another church and becomes the next Walter Masocha. The fruit of Mr Guti'a Church is rotten and he does nothing about the filth that goes on in Zaoga. I also have problems with a lot of his doctrine, its all kinda upside down and twisted.  Godfrey Mutara, whom I personally thinks looks like a wierdo, to me is just another Walter Masocha, groomed by Mr Guti.  He is a weird looking paedo, anyway here is the article about Ezekiel Guti's son Godfrey Mutara:

Godfrey Mutara (48), who was chairing Elder of Forward In Faith Ministries, Leicester West Assembly and owner of Victory Care Services has eloped to Zimbabwe after he was allegedly confronted on a count sexually molesting a 12yr old girl (name withheld for legal reasons), now 13yrs old. The victim is also a child of Elders at the same Assembly making this heinous crime extremely disturbing to the church administration and parishioners alike.

Weird looking Godfrey Mutara with wife Ethel

When confronted, Mutara boasted of his financial and enormous political influence in the church, challenging the administration they can not kick him out of the Regional Pastor of Leicestershire Region, instead tendering his resignation at hi convenience before hastily making a run for the next available flight to Zimbabwe

“I do not have a recollection of the incident in question, you can not touch me as you have no compelling credible evidence. None of you has the power to remove me from being elder”, boasted Mutara when confronted.

It is alleged the incident happened in June at a church meeting when  married Godfrey Mutara who also had leadership jurisdiction over the youth is believed to have coerced his victim and isolated her to his car where he touched her improperly and sexually molested her. The victim mentioned the incident to a vigilant relative in passing conversation who quickly alerted family and the case was raised with the church administration. Not surprising as in many such cases among Zimbabwean community environments, the ZAOGA FIF has so far not recited any disciplinary procedures regarding the matter.
The case has since been reported to Leicestershire Constabulary who are currently investigating the case though is set back by Mutara`s absence as he has currently gone to Zimbabwe. The case has since triggered more under age victims said to have fell to Mutara’s unholy shenanigans.

The verdict is yours dear readers....


In other news 

Head of United Methodist in UK exposed in sex scandal

The head of  United Methodist Church in UK  was exposed in a sex scandal before his congregation.  On Sunday 04/01/2015 at United Methodist Church service based at a  rented St Peters Church,  310 Kennington Lane, Vauxhall, London SE11 5HY Reverend TK Mapfeka was exposed by an angry member of the church whose was wife is allegedly going out with the reverend.

During time for  announcements meant for thanksgiving “Zvitendo” which is used to thank the Lord for whatever blessings has happened to someone’s life. A  gentleman by the name a Mr Chireka  took the microphone and said to the fully packed church “Mufundisi Mapfeka vanodanana nemudzimai wangu. Vakatora mukadzi wangu kuenda naye kuGermany. Mukadzi wangu akati kwandiri ari kuenda kumusha kuZimbabwe izvo ari kuenda kuGermany naMufundisi Mapfeka. Vanhu vaMwari ndiine evidence pano matext nemapicture avaitorana ikoko.”  The Reverend who was supposed to take the sermon was dump-founded with his wife seated next to him including his teenage girls.

Members of the church were  just astounded at the announcement. Mr Kaisi and  Mr Zimunya some known other members of the church swiftly approached the man who was visibly angry. They asked him to go outside with them so that the issue could be discussed outside the church in private. Church members just looked at each other as the commotion went on, Reverend Mapfeka’s wife followed outside. She later came to collect her children and left. Members of the church then held a meeting with Mr Chireka who was accompanied by three of his friends.

Mr Chireka told the  church members  that he had a lot of evidence to prove the love affair of his wife with Reverend Mapfeka to members of the United Methodist Church. Mapfeka abandoned the service and disappeared. Mr Chideu took over the sermon.

The church comprises Zimbabwe community who are members of the United Methodist Church based in the UK. Chivasa’s wife goes to a United Methodist Branch in Chelmsford.

Monday, 12 January 2015

THE ESE WALTER'S STORY, An Encouragement To Women Who Were Manipulated Into Having Sexual Relations With Prophet Walter Masocha. Its still abuse!

A few days after I reported Walter Masocha to the police in August 2013, one day I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor, thinking to myself, "What have I done?" Will I be believed?" "Is this all worth it?" I had my phone with me, I had just prayed, and I started browsing through my phone, not looking for anything, I somehow found myself reading the story of a woman who was making headlines at that time. Her name was Ese Walter, she had written a blog about her former Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo. I remember my heart racing as I read her story in her own words. I felt some sense of liberation, because this woman was writing things I was going through, and I was encouraged by her honesty and bravery. She came out with her story and faced a lot of backlash from church members calling her a whore and liar, but she stood firm in her voice for justice, and I believe God heard her. I remember reading through the comments on her blog, church members saying Ese Walter was attacking a man of God.  Even though the church members called her immoral, loose, fame and money hungry and all sorts, to God she proved to be a virtuous woman and today she is happily married to Nigerian Radio Personality and Inspirational Speaker Benny Ark. Ese Walter was not raped by Pastor Fatoyinbo, she had an affair with him, yet rightly in her view it was spiritual abuse and manipulation. I have chosen to share her story because there are a number of women who have reported on this blog that they feel confused because they felt like they consented to Walter Masocha touching them inappropriately. Dear women even if you had an affair with Prophet Mosocha, its still religious abuse because you were the vulnerable one and he used his power as a pastor to sleep with you. My dear readers, with permission from my dear friend Ese Walter, be encouraged by her story...


This article contains stories that most ‘church people’ don’t want to address. So, if you are one of those living in denial and covering up crap going on in the church, this is where you should stop reading.
Now, for the rest of us, please sit down and switch on your open mind. I want to talk about something I have kept bottled up inside for longer than necessary. I have also decided to use real names, as my defence for any accusation of slander is justification. I tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. However, feel free to throw your doubt around but know that I am past the shaming game (where victims of abuse are shot down by blame) I am no longer a victim but a survivor who is sharing her experience to help others caught in same web of abuse, guilt and shame. We only get to live once right? So here, it goes…
I recently came to know this event too was abuse (recently here means about 6 months ago). It has literally been eating me up having to drive by another billboard advertising preachers, or hearing his name, or even trying to ask about the validity of the entire salvation story and whether or not there is a God that truly watches over his people. That being said, I’m just going to say it as it is. This is a recap of my affair with Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA (Common Wealth Of Zion Assembly) Abuja chapter. This affair I have come to know as a form of abuse as you would see the different elements of abuse very present.

I met Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo many years ago. I was getting bored of the church I was attending and someone suggested COZA. At the time, I had never heard about it. My friend said, go there, I’m sure you would enjoy the word. But he also gave me a strong warning. He said he would advice that I remain a member only and not join the workforce. I agreed. The first time I attended COZA, I felt it was my church and decided I was going to plant my ass there. About eleven months had gone by and I was still attending the services quietly and faithfully. I really did like the church. One day a worker in the church approached me that the senior pastor wanted to see me.
Me? I thought. Why would the senior pastor want to see me? Not the second man but the head nigga in charge? Ok na! I started to think my sin was oozing so bad the pastor could tell I needed Jesus. (Poor old me.) I saw him at the end of the second service (they had two services at the time) and he said to me that he would like me to work with him. I knew I had no intentions of becoming a pastor so I had to ask in what capacity. He said he’d like for me to join a department, preferably the Pastoral Care Unit (PCU).
A few weeks later, against my friend’s advice not to join the workforce, I was a PCU member. All of a sudden, I had some status in church. I was ‘somebody.’ Dress had to be on point, hair, shoes and what not… As workers, we were literally trying to outshine each other or so it seemed. Anyways, I felt like I was a privileged member of an elite circle. Hehehe. (It did feel good though, for the most part.)
About a year after joining the workforce, I was on my way to London for a Masters degree program that would last two years. As was the rule for workers travelling, I wrote to say I would be away for 2 years and Pastor Biodun Fotoyinbo asked that I keep in touch by sending him my number and email when I had settled in London so he “makes sure I continue in the faith” because according to him, people loose their faith when they leave home and he wanted to make sure I didn’t. So, on that note, as soon as I got a phone line in London, I was sure to call ‘my pastor’ to say I arrived safe, had settled in and also gave my phone number.
We had spoken a few times especially when COZA started to stream online. I always watched and would give feedback on quality of production and share a little bit on the challenges I faced settling in a new land. One evening, Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo called me that he was coming to London and needed me to help him make some hotel bookings as the person who was meant to do it couldn’t get it done (this was rather strange as I had never been involved in his travel itinerary) Later that day, he said it had been sorted and my help would not be required but that he would like me to arrange a cab to pick him up from Heathrow. I was happy to help my pastor from Nigeria and even saw it as a privilege. (I would later come to learn that all of this was a calculated attempt to hatch a plan that I suspect was set in motion when I was asked to join the workforce.)
The cab guy was there to get him the next day and when he arrived, he called to ask why I didn’t accompany the cab to pick him up (again, this was strange but I stopped my mind from overanalyzing the situation as I knew I had no business with his visit to London) About two hours later, he called me and said he would like to see me. When I arrived his hotel, I called from the reception but he asked that I come upstairs. I got to the room and tried to stop my mind from thinking why I was going to his room. As he opened the door and invited me in, I had to speak to my heart to stop its palpitations. My better judgment asked me not to go into the room but the kind of reverence I had for Pasotr Biodun Fatoyinbo bordered on fear and I steeped into that room.
“Care for a drink?” Asked Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo.
“No sir,” I said.
“You don’t have to be shy Ese, even if it’s alcohol, feel free and order what you want.” I wasn’t sure I heard my pastor asking me to order alcohol. I imagined it was a test and ignored the voice inside that was saying, “I’d have henny and coke please.” He proceeded to ask how I had been coping in London and if I was a committed member of any church. He also said he thought there was something special about me and wanted to know that I had not strayed from my faith. I really thought he had heard I was doing something I shouldn’t while in London but tried my best to focus on the conversation instead of my straying thoughts. He kept telling me to relax and feel comfortable with talking to him. After a few minutes, he asked that we go to the roof of the hotel as his room was a pent suite and had a connecting door to the roof.

While there, he sat on a reclining chair and asked me to come sit on his laps. This was a bit awkward for me and I froze for a moment as I asked why. He said he had told me to feel free with him and loosen up. I found myself strolling to sit on his laps. At that moment, I felt like a little girl who was experiencing something her mind couldn’t fathom. He asked me to kiss him and all I could think about was seeing him preach on the pulpit back in COZA Abuja, Nigeria, which was my home church. He again said ‘feel free Ese.’ And asked again, that I kiss him.
A few hours later, let’s just say, we were rolling under the sheets. It felt as though my mind had paused. I am not saying I was jazzed, (although it’s possible I was in some trancelike state and didn’t know it but I just was so afraid that I couldn’t say or think otherwise.) That was the beginning of this affair. A sexual affair that went on for a little over a week, DAILY!
I can hear somebody’s mind thinking, ‘well, you weren’t raped.” And I remember a pastor I opened up to when I couldn’t take all the mind games asking if I seduced him. No, I didn’t seduce him and no, I wasn’t raped but I felt trapped in this affair. Come to think of it, how could I have seduced him when I wanted nothing from him? I mean, I was too busy minding my business in London trying to get through with my masters program and I was overly comfortable. And even if I wanted to seduce anyone, it wouldn’t be a married man, not to mention a married pastor.
What I couldn’t reconcile the whole time, was how the same person who preached against the very things we were doing (i.e drinking in pubs, fornicating, committing adultery) was the same person endorsing and encouraging it.

At some point, I got really confused about what Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo and I were doing that I had to ask how he handles it. I will never forget what he said to me. He said and I quote, “I will teach you a level of grace that you don’t understand.” My mind couldn’t fathom that somehow grace was enough covering for not just fornication on my path, adultery on his path and the many lies that was bound to follow what we were doing that was clearly abominable. I somehow dealt with the thoughts and fears that followed on my path. He had said to me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend and he would take me around the world and spoil me with money and things. Somehow, money had never been one of the things that motivated me (I am from a home where all my needs have been adequately met) In all my ‘badness’ through finding myself, I never did things I did for money but more of rebellion against rules and authority.
Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo also said to me that he had a dream where I exposed what was happening to the media. Said it was all over the place and that people were calling me the girl that caused chaos in COZA. He also said I should remember the bible said to “touch not God’s anointed.” I immediately started to rebuke the devil and said I could never do anything like that. I was almost swearing with my entire family as I thought really I had touched God’s anointed by submitting my body to be used. Little did I know at the time that all of these were ways to mess with my mind and even manipulate my thoughts.
Fast-forward a few months later, I was back in Nigeria and my church had become uncomfortable. Anytime I sat in church and listened to Pastor Biodun preach, I felt shame. I finally sent him a message saying I wasn’t comfortable anymore. I was confused and needed to talk about what had happened. He said I should meet him to talk and I did. It was a really weird meeting for me especially when he tried to kiss me at our meeting. I finally realized at this point that he couldn’t help me. I thought God was angry with me and I couldn’t pray so I decided to withdraw completely from COZA. This was the beginning of my mental torture. I couldn’t talk to my family because already, I was the only one attending a different church and somehow my mom never liked the idea. As the days went by I tried to use drinking and smoking to cover up the deep shame and guilt I was battling with. But as soon as the high was over, the thoughts came back and I felt stuck like I couldn’t move forward.
I felt I had to talk to someone and I decided to speak to my then good friend, Ernest Akale but unfortunately for me, Mr. Ernest did not have the capacity to hold what I said to him. He broke down completely the days that followed and I found myself having to pause how I was feeling and what I was struggling with to help my friend be strong. After a while, he withdrew from not just me but his then fiancĂ© and friends. I had to then tell the fiancĂ© what had caused it (she suspected we were having an affair so I had to clear the air) To my surprise she was a lot stronger than her man and told me to suck it up (I’m paraphrasing). She said if she were me, she wouldn’t leave the church but stay to torment Pastor Biodun and collect money from him. Ok! That sounded extreme for me, as my intention was not to blackmail but to heal my broken self. Anyways, I finally found the courage to speak to my then unit head who said he was going to talk to Pastor Biodun but didn’t have the liver to do so. Before long, the story was spreading and naturally getting twisted.
I went to a new church and it seemed like the COZA bug had chased me there. The pastor would always refer to COZA as some example and each time that was done, it seemed like a spear was thrust through my chest. One day, I broke down in the service and started crying uncontrollably, as I couldn’t take another mention of COZA and the pictures it painted in my head.

Very long, boring story cut short, for the last 5 months I gave the whole church thing a big space and break. I wasn’t sure I believed in God. I wasn’t sure I understood what it meant when people said ‘Jesus saves” and I definitely wasn’t sure how to deal with the mental torture that was affecting not just me but my relationships with family and friends. I was very unstable, fearful and worst of all guilty. I got a chance to talk to Pastor Folarin of COZA Lagos Chapter, popularly called Pastor flo about everything. I made an effort to reach out to him because I realized the right thing to do was talk to an elder in the church and seek some sort of remedy to a wrong I believed had been done me.
Instead, Pastor Flo said, Pastor Biodun had confessed to him and they had ‘talked’ about it and somehow that was supposed to be Ok. He asked what it was I wanted coming to talk to him about it when I did, I told him I realized what happened between Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo and I was wrong and not just that I felt abused and manipulated. I also said I thought it was wrong for Pastor Biodun to go on preaching without taking time to deal with his personal character flaws. I said I thought he was danger to all the young women that attended the church. Come to think of it, maybe he meant if I wanted something monetary or material (as someone had suggested when I opened up to her) but the truth is, I never wanted his money (or is it the church member’s money.) All I wanted was to meet with him and have him accept that he misled me, betrayed his wife and the church he pastors. I wasn’t the only lady in COZA who had been a victim of his sexcapades and manipulative patterns but I was the one who could come back after months of struggle with not just my faith but also my affair with him. And I wanted to set things right. I wanted to talk to Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo maybe for closure and I felt like I needed an apology because he played the“touch not my anointed” card to keep me locked in guilt, shame and fear when all along it was a calculated plan and I dare say, it started when he asked me to join the workforce.

Not to mention the audacity to talk about teaching me a level of grace I didn’t understand. I had no intention of understanding a grace that would permit me to go on doing things that were wrong and what’s worse having to carry the burden for almost a year.
Different surprising advises came up in the weeks that followed the rumour making rounds. I was told to hush because Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo had been a cultist in the past and could send people to shut me up. All my so-called friends in COZA withdrew from me and treated me like I had the plague. What was worse was Pastor Flo finally saw my then pastor to ‘talk’ about what had happened with Pastor Biodun and lied that it happened once and was a mistake. My question then became, ‘do these people even care how broken I had become?’ ’do they care about the emotional and spiritual welfare of the people they were pastoring?’ The sad answer was NO. Most of us old members of COZA kept leaving but they couldn’t care less. What was important was to keep growing the church and having more and more cars with stickers that read “More than enough.”  Back then, I always felt horrible when I saw another car drive past me with the sticker. I was breaking, I was struggling but no one could help. All they could do was ask me to hide so Pastor Biodun’s goons don’t hurt me. And then the interesting one was if I had evidence to prove my claim. Let me just say here that, it isn’t a claim, it’s a confession to free me from all of the guilt and shame I have had to live with for no reason at all. (That being said, I have evidence to prove all I have said here, the latest being a 58 minutes recording of my meeting with Pastor Flo a few months back)
This is my confession and I cannot begin to describe how much weight has been lifted off of my shoulders just pouring the truth out about what went down. So, to all my ex COZA friends gossiping about me, get your facts right. To those who said they’d help me deal with the pain but didn’t, I forgive you, I have learnt how to deal with it and I am doing just fine. To those who fear for my safety saying Pastor Biodun would send people to shut me up, I really have gone past fearing for my life. To live is gain and to die is Christ (or how does Paul say it again?) And to the only person who ever supported me through it all, thank you, I am learning to be brave. Please don’t think I am perfect in all of this but in line with living my authentic life and putting all forms of abuse behind me, this is where I press the stop button and stop the bleeding. This is where I break the silence and call the church to stand up for what it has been commissioned to do. If you will not enter the Kingdom, please don’t stop others who are trying to enter.
I still remember when I used to nurse the idea of digging up emails, text messages, hotel billings (as once I used my card to pay for his room when his master card failed to work) to prove there was an affair. It was pathetic. Why for the love of heaven was I trying to dig up evidence? I am satisfied setting the record straight. I am ready for any shaming or bashing that would follow because the truth is, because of what I have suffered and come through, I am really not moved by what people say or think about me anymore. I am a stronger woman and a damn abuse survivor seeking to connect with other victims of abuse to show them how to deal with the shame, hurt and guilt and how to come out stronger. Turning their mess into their message.
I am Ese Walter and I have gone through all forms of abuse from family, boyfriends, my ex pastor and some strangers not to break me, but so I stand and so I qualify to help victims. My scars have qualified me and when all is said and done, I will still be standing. I AM WOMAN, I BEND, I DON’T BREAK!

With that my dear readers I leave with a video I recorded today and a selfie I took today of my 2015 look, box braids. Hope you are encouraged by the video dear readers. Have a blessed and fruitful week!

2015 new look, Box Braids. Selfie with no foundation make up on.  Nino said they are the nicest braids he has ever seen and appreciated...

My new clothing line I.AM.JEAN  wear is coming soon. This is a sneak peak of one of my designs.